Doubting Thomas

Not long to go now, and I must admit that the self doubt is starting to set in now, I went on my last LONG training session on Monday and you know that self doubt that creeps in when you least expect it, thinking - 'what have I done?!' and 'Im not going to be able to do it' I really wasnt in the right frame of mind to do any training, so I thought what do I do?

Do I go OUT and train and miss the last day that Hubby is off work with it being Easter Monday and I was in work on the Tuesday - but have the distraction of the outdoors

OR

Do I stay IN and train on the treadmill? still technically with the family albeit stuck in the kitchen, and watch a couple of films?

I chose the latter, 5 hours I was on the treadmill for covering a total of 30k I WAS NEARLY IN TEARS AT THE END - I thought the films would distract me for however long they were on for - diddnt work just reminded me when it finished I still couldnt go anywhere - I had watched Donnie in Southie, and then Spy Kids, followed by actually a really inspiring documentary showing how introducing a classical music programme in deprived areas can improve academic performance which just happened to be based in Liverpool

- BUT

I was still on the treadmill so no improved performance here and no, not even Donnie could distract me!

then ironically after watching tv when on the treadmill, after having a shower and changed, I then sat infront OF THE TV !!! because I couldn't move - I was laughing at this point (and not because it was funny either!)

So.... what do I do?... I knew it was going to be hard, I knew it was going to be tough.

I asked Mark how he felt whe he was running marathons and apparently it is a phase that you go through - He said, It doesnt matter how much training you have done, you can cover the milage and more but you can still walk up to the starting line and not 'feel right' more of a mental issue rather than a physical matter.

I felt a bit better after that, at least I knew that it wasnt due to lack of training and that I can physically do it, although sometimes I think it is easier for it to be a bodily problem at least you can see and feel any changes - attitude is something else completely

On a better note, since then I have been feeling better and am feeling more confident, think to be honest it was more of a blip than anything serious, probably just the nerves starting to kick in ... at lease I hope so !